Disorder
by donttouch
Summary: Warnings: Sort of dark, depressed Tony, fatherly-mystical Ducky, worried Gibbs, taddletale Abby , and so on. It's dark, but fluffy bunnies may appear. Oh, and also: Slash. Don't like don't read. R&R please :D Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

"You're beginning to piss me off Tony!" Gibbs growled. "Now get me the damn file and make yourself useful for once!" Gibbs growled. A look of hurt flittered across Tony's face but was gone as suddenly as it had appeared, a look of determination replacing it in an instant.

"Yes Boss," Tony said and went back to his desk. Gibbs sighed, maybe some work would be done now, instead of Tony goofing off the entire time. Gibbs went to sit behind his desk and looked at his computer. Not long after, there was an email from Tony and Gibbs opened it to see the file he had been asking for for an hour.

"Was that so damn hard DiNozzo?" Gibbs growled.

"No Boss," Tony replied. Gibbs didn't raise his eyes to look at him, but that was unusual for Tony, to just reply in such a short manner. Gibbs realized he may have crossed the line but the file was important to finally close this case. And Tony could've done it the entire day, it just took him ten God damn minutes anyway! Kate looked at McGee who looked back. Tony was hunched over his keyboard, writing furiously. His writing had improved on the computer, but he always excused himself during McGee's technology rants and went to work in more practical ways, avoiding technology as much as possible. Gibbs was brooding, and Tony wasn't joking around. It was like a ticking time bomb, and they both wanted to be long gone when it exploded.

"Lunch!" Gibbs barked and Kate and McGee scurried off. "DiNozzo!" Gibbs growled.

"I'm just finishing my report Boss," Tony replied and continued typing.

"Handwriting DiNozzo," Gibbs growled.

"I know Boss," Tony replied. Gibbs got up and left. When he came back, Tony was writing in on a piece of paper and Gibbs frowned. He wasn't even looking at the machine, which meant he hadn't been typing his report on it. Then what had he been typing? He decided to check into it when Tony went home. Even though he would occasionally get pissed at the younger man, he didn't want to chase him away from the job. He needed Tony too much for that. Lately, it seemed like Tony was trying to be happier. He had lost weight, joking more, referring to movies more, and it pissed Gibbs off even though Tony did was what expected of him. The day went without much talk. Tony was beginning to piss him off by being silent this time when he finally sent them home.

"Good night Boss," Kate and Mcgee mumbled before taking off, hurrying more so than usual, out of the bullpen. Tony remained seated.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs growled.

"I got work to do Boss," Tony simply said.

"Then do it at home!" Gibbs growled and Tony sighed, collecting his things and his jacket before slinging the backpack over his shoulder and leaving without a word. Gibbs waited a while before confirming that Tony had clocked out and had left the building. Then he went over to Tony's computer and turned it on. Password protected. What was Tony's password again? He frowned, thinking.

"What're you doing?" Abby's voice filtered through his thoughts. Gibbs looked up and saw Abby standing with her hands on her hips, looking angry. "Are you going through Tony's computer? Gibbs! Answer me!" she said angrily.

"Abs, it's late, go home," Gibbs said grumpily. He hated being caught, and by Abby no less.

"Nuh uh mister! What's so important that you decided to spy on Tony?" Abby asked, sitting down on the edge of Tony's desk.

"Go home Abs!" Gibbs growled.

"No," Abby said, crossing her arms over her chest. "You better tell me Gibbs, or I will go down to my lab and block your access codes!" Abby growled. Gibbs knew that was bad and sighed, pushing back from the desk. "So? What's the problem?" Abby asked.

"He talks to you, right?" Gibbs asked. Abby frowned, but nodded. "What's gotten into him lately?" Gibbs asked.

"You mean the fact that he's overly positive and loosing weight fast?" Abby asked. Gibbs raised both eyebrows, surprised. "Not my place to tell, but Ducky will tell you when it's time to act. I'm surprised you haven't tried going through his computer before," Abby continued. Gibbs frowned. "Gibbs I really can't say anything, I don't know all of it, and even if I did, I pinkie sweared that I wouldn't say anything," Abby looked guiltily at Gibbs.

"I need to know what's going on with him so I can fix it," Gibbs said. Abby sighed.

"You can't just 'fix' this Gibbs, trust me on that one. At least he's talking to Ducky now, which is more than he did a month ago," Abby said.

"Month ago?" Gibbs questioned. It was Abby's turn to look surprised.

"You didn't notice? Gibbs sometime's you're really dense! You're an investigator! Gibbs seriously, think about how he's been. What he's eaten..." Abby let the rest hang in the air.

"So he eats less, th..." Gibbs stopped, thinking about it. The last two weeks he hadn't really seen Tony eat ANYTHING. He looked up at Abby and Abby looked away, nodding with a sigh. "You mean to tell me Tony's anorexic?" Gibbs asked. Abby kept her eyes on the floor, refusing to look up. "What brought THAT on?" Gibbs asked.

"You," Abby looked at him. "The team. Everyone. He's been teetering on the edge of a major breakdown, so he coped the only way he knew."

"By not eating?" Gibbs asked. Abby nodded. "How the hell is THAT supposed to push away a breakdown?" Gibbs growled. Abby shrugged.

"You'd have to ask Tony. Oh...uh, don't let him know that you know. Just...let him cope, okay? At least until Ducky says it's time for more...forcefull actions to be taken," Abby flushed red, a color not many people saw on her. She stood up. "I need to go, I've already said too much. By the way, Tony has a secret weapon on his keyboard. He spray's it and checks if it's been disturbed during the night. You're busted," Abby said, grinned, and left. Gibbs looked down on his hands and the keyboard. Damnit! Outsmarted! Well, he might as well just do it then, if Tony was going to know anyway. Knowledge is power. That was the password! Gibbs snorted to himself, only Tony could choose a password like that. He was met by the bakground picture of a woman in a bunnysuit. He tilted his head to the right.

"How the hell does she do that?" Gibbs muttered to himself and blinked, shaking his head a little. he klicked on the 'm1ndyr0wnbsn3ss' file, not understanding what it meant and was met by a personal journal. Gibbs frowned as he noticed the dates. He klicked on a date, three weeks back.

_"Don't know how much longer I can stay. He's being a total ass, giving me the most shitty jobs even though he knows I could get more information out of people. Overheard him telling McGee that he would make Senior Field Agent status soon, which means he has no use for an illiterate jock like me. I'm brawns, McGee is brains."_

"I'll be damned," Gibbs said quietly. He'd only intended to make McGee willing to learn more. It seemed like the learning curve had flattened out for the Junior Agent, and he wanted to spur him on. Tony had obviously not heard the rest of what he'd said. He had told McGee he would make Senior Field Agent status soon if he were on someone else's team. That he expected McGee to learn from Tony and accept the fact that Tony was better at getting information than he was, that McGee relied too much on the technology and needed to learn how to trust his instincts. Gibbs klicked on another date, a week ago.

_"Kate's nagging me about food. It makes me sick to even think about food. Ducky's nagging me about not eating and Kate complains that I eat too loud. McGee says my munching makes him sick so I cut out the last apple. Abby of course makes me eat the damn apple when I'm in her lab so I kind of stopped going to her. Gibbs is pissed all the time and I just can't deflect like I used to. Got a job offer from Fornell again, I said no, but he left it open, and I said I'll consider it. It's time to move on anyway."_

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs growled to himself, his heart thudding in his chest as he opened today's date.

_"That's it. I've had enough. I already sent him the damn file once today and he didn't even look at it. He didn't give me anything else to do so I talked with Candy from accounting to tell her I had changed bankaccounts when he snapped at me to send him the damn file -AGAIN- and I had to break off the talk. He just yells at me for no reason! I can't fucking do this anymore! I haven't slept an entire night for three months and I can't eat without hearing him chastisise me. But then again, my father was always right. I'm a big fat nothing."_

Gibbs clicked it away and turned off the computer. He swallowed hard. He'd been too rough with Tony. Driven him over the edge. Tony had always been a master of undercover work and this wasn't that different. Whenever he'd been seeing red, Tony would always calm him down, but even Tony had his limit's. He debated going to see him when the elevator dinged.

"Boss? What're you doing at my desk?" Tony asked.

Busted.

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AN: So yes, another story. Only that this one is already completed and is taking up space on my computer so I thought I'd just post it here :) One chapter a day, it's five chapters total. No flames, but constructive critisism and happy thoughts are appreciated :) It's dark and angsty but beware of fluffbunnies. They may suddenly appear ;D Enjoy :D BTW: Crazy stalker person problem is solved. I kicked his ass :D (oh, and at the end? Oneshot's, connected with the story :D )


	2. Chapter 2

"Boss? What're you doing at my desk?" Tony asked.

"Looking for a file," Gibbs said. Tony narrowed his eyes slightly at him before going over and dropping his backpack next to his desk.

"Find what you're looking for?" Tony asked, and Gibbs knew that Tony knew he had been at his computer.

"No," Gibbs said and got up. "What're you doing here so late?" Gibbs asked.

"Not that late, besides, couldn't sleep," Tony said. "Boss, what did you see?" Tony asked.

"You're thinking about switching sides?" Gibbs asked. All air seemed to leave Tony and he bowed his head to his chest. Then he raised his head again and looked at Gibbs, anger written in the green eyes that used to sparkle with mischief.

"You had no right going through my personal journal!" Tony growled.

"If you'd kept it off your workmachine maybe I wouldn't have stumbled over it!" Gibbs replied.

"Stumbled over...STUMBLED over it? You're the ONLY one who knows my password Boss! Many have tried, and failed, to get into my computer. And NO ONE has ever tried to read that file. The fact that YOU didn't trust me says it all. What now? You going to fire me? Or what? Make me do more shitty jobs? Leave me out of the loop? Sending me into busts wihtout backup? Let me tell you Gibbs, you wouldn't be the first one to do that!" Tony growled angrily.

"Tony, I only wanted to help," Gibbs said honestly.

"Then you stay out of my damn buisness! I do my work, don't I?" Tony asked as Gibbs got up and Tony took his seat.

"Tony-"

"No. Boss. Don't 'Tony' me. I don't want anything to do with you besides proffesionally. You know why I stay? Why I didn't take Fornell's offer? Because I still believe I have something to learn from you. I still have things that needs perfecting, and this is my best shot. You're the best teacher I've ever had, and I've learned the hardest lesson of them all. I trusted you!" Tony growled.

"And you don't trust me anymore?" Gibbs asked.

"No, I don't," Tony said, "Not personally anyway. You always said I could come to you with anything. I never thought you'd do this."

"To...DiNozzo, you need to-"

"You stopped getting to tell me what to do when you broke into my computer!" Tony growled angrily. Gibbs sighed, letting it drop. For now. It was no use trying to talk to Tony when he was like this. Not that Gibbs had ever seen Tony quite like this. Sure, he'd seen him pissed before, but not like this. There was a look of defeat surrounding him now, his hair tousled, his clothes slightly rumpled, his eyes sunked and hollow, shoulders slumped. He looked exhausted, to say the least. Tony ignored Gibbs, and Gibbs sat down at his desk. He wasn't going home until Tony went home.

Which proved to be not tonight. Gibbs was just staring at Tony the entire night, never taking his eyes off the other man. Tony impressed him though, not taking his eyes off the cold cases he was reviewing, not ONCE looking up at Gibbs. People usually lasted for mostly thirty minutes while Gibbs stared at them but Tony wasn't intimidated by him. It only proved to how far Tony had come sinse he'd taken him onto his team. It also proved how pissed Tony was at him. Gibbs winced internally at his last thought. Boy, had he messed up this time. This could be the one thing Tony didn't bounce back from. The elevator dinged and the daylights came on over his head. He yawned and stretched, rubbing his neck. He wasn't used to these allnighters anymore. Sure, he'd stay a few hours overtime sometimes, or stay awake when he was out on a stakeout, or on a case, but tonight had really taken it out of him. Tony, however, was still working, not sparing him a glance. He got up and left without a word.

"Morning Tony," McGee said, he wasn't even surprised Tony was there this early, it had been like this for over a month and he had come to accept it more easily than Kate had.

"Probie," Tony said, barely aknowledging his presence. McGee sat down with a glance at Tony and a frown. That was new? Tony always cracked a joke at his expense in the mornings. He turned on his computer and raised both eyebrows at the notes Tony had made on the latest cold case's.

"Good morning boys," Kate said as she came in and slung her backpack down next to her desk before sitting down, yawning widely.

"Long night?" McGee asked.

"You bet," Kate smiled. Then she frowned, looking at Tony. Usually, Tony would crack a joke at that, he would've fallen over himself trying to annoy her and extracting information about her night. But now? Nothing. It worried her. This was new. "So, what've you been doing tonight then Tony?" she asked.

"Working, which is what you should be doing," Tony replied. Kate raised both eyebrows and looked over at McGee who shrugged.

"Are you sure you're getting enough sugar Tony? You know, you get really Gibbsy when your bloodsugar is on the low," Kate said, trying to loosen Tony up a little.

"Drop it, Agent Todd," Gibbs growled as he walked past her with a big styrophoam cup, no doubt filled to the brim with coffee. He sat down at his desk before turning on his computer. Kate and McGee looked at eachother again and McGee glanced at Tony before turning to his computer. Kate remained focused on Tony for a few moments before turning to her computer and this mornings tasks. She frowned as she too had recieved several emails with notes about their cold cases.

"Don't you ever sleep?" she asked, focusing on Tony.

"No," Tony replied and went back to overlooking his notes. Gibbs got up and left, feeling Tony's angry eyes covertly glaring at him. Tony knew exactly where he was going and he didn't seem too pleased about the idea. Gibbs got into the elevator and pushed for Ducky's floor. When the doors opened and he walked into Autopsy, Ducky turned around and looked at him.

"Jethro, what can I do for you?" Ducky asked, remaining seated in his chair. Gibbs walked over and leaned on the wall, glaring at Ducky. "Right, so I'll just read your mind then. Stressfull case?" Ducky asked. Gibbs looked up into the ceiling, jaw set in place. "Anthony is bothering you," Ducky stated. Gibbs looked at Ducky. Or glared. Hard to tell what he was doing sinse he was so pissed he could barely see straight.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Gibbs asked. Ducky sighed.

"Well, old friend, it wasn't any of your buisness," Ducky said.

"What the...not my buisness?" Gibbs growled, he pointed at the door. "My Agent, my...FRIEND, is starving himself and thinking about taking a job offer from Fornell no less, and it's NOT my BUISNESS?" Gibbs growled.

"Which are you more concerned about?" Ducky asked.

"What?" Gibbs stared at Ducky, breath coming in short bursts.

"Are you more concerned about him not eating, or that he's considering to leave?" Ducky asked.

"BOTH damnit!" Gibbs said angrily. Ducky looked at him. Then he narrowed his eyes.

"There is more?" Ducky asked.

"He caught me reading his journal," Gibbs sighed, looking down into his cup of coffee.

"Well then, that solves it all, doesn't it? The allmighty Leroy Jethro Gibbs breaks all sorts of confidenciality to find the answers and to fix the world's problems," Ducky snorted. Gibbs glared at him. "Honestly man! You might have placed the last straw on the camel's back. Anthony is depressed you idiot!" Ducky said angrily. Gibbs frowned. "I realise it comes as a shock to you, but Anthony cannot be the one to take responsibility for your actions," Ducky continued.

"He doe-"

"No? Hum, I really would have thought you'd have noticed by now. He deflects your anger onto himself. He let's you yell at him, slap him in the back of his head, he lets you throw the most cruel jokes at him without making a face or standing up for himself. It simply came to a stop, and he couldn't do it anymore. He's had enough, Jethro. He's tired, strained, and he can't eat without throwing up. He needs to heal, to feel loved," Ducky's eyes darkened, "Snooping around on his computer is NOT the way to regain his trust!"

"He said he doesn't trust me personally," Gibbs said.

"And he has every right not to trust you! You broke into his computer for heaven's sake!" Ducky said, getting up. "Now excuse me Jethro, I'll have to try to salvage the piece's of his already fragile mind. Shoo, go along now!" Ducky said, shooing Gibbs out of Autposy with Gibbs muttering things under his breath the entire time.

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AN: Yes, I did promise, didn't I? So, I'm caught up in RL at the moment and might not be able to post another chapter before LATE tomorrow. I'm already yawning because I'm exhausted. Carrying a washing machine into the basement and then cleaning the entire apartement can do that to a person, lol. Anyway, right now I'm trying to work on more chapters for my other stories, I'm not as good as Molkite on the update thing so just...don't kill me? Lol. Review's please :D


	3. Chapter 3

Tony felt tired. Exhausted. He knew what this was. He recognized it from Baltimore. He recognized that soon, he was going to end up on his sofa, drinking the night away and watching old comedies to at least laugh at SOMETHING. Ducky was probably blabbering on and on about his condition. Gibbs was prbably snorting, thinking Tony needed to buckle up and become a man soon. Maybe coming to work for the FBI would be good after all? Change of scenery and all that.

"Penny for your thoughts Tony?" Kate asked. Tony spared her a glance before looking into his drawer to find a stapler he could punch himself in the head with so he didn't have to deal with his nosy coworkers.

"Thinking about how nice it will be when you shut up and do what you're paid to do," Tony muttered and closed the drawer.

"What's gotten into you lately?" Kate asked. She had had enough.

"Nothing you need to bother yourself with Katie," Tony snarled.

"YOU acting like a spolied little sullen brat IS my bother! You're ruining a good chance here Tony. Gibbs is going to kick you off his team if you continue to just...be an ass!" Kate growled angrily.

"Maybe he won't HAVE to kick me off his team!" Tony growled back, he was starting to feel dizzy, black spots entering his line of vision. Kate looked shocked. _Good_, Tony thought.

"What're you saying?" Kate asked, swallowing.

"I'm saying I got a new job offer. Pay is better, and sinse I'm _ruining _everything, it would be best if I took that job offer, don't you think? So you can get me out of your hair?" Tony asked. "No more silly jokes, no more movie referrances, isn't that what you always wanted Kate?" Tony continued, he blinked hard, holding his head.

"You okay Tony?" McGee asked.

"What do you care, Probie?" Tony said angrily. Then his eyes rolled into the back of his head and his head slammed down onto his desk, his limp body sliding to the floor before Kate and McGee could even react.

"Get Ducky! NOW McGee!" Kate hollered as she jumped over her desk and ran over to Tony. "Tony, can you hear me? Tony! Tony you have to wake up now!" Kate said, her heart thudding rapidly against he ribcage. She had never seen Tony so upset. Sure, he could be a real menace if you got onto his bad side, but he had NEVER talked openly and so angrily about changing jobs. He really meant it this time, and that scared her. McGee had hung up the phone and removed his jacket, placing it under Tony's head.

"Wow...he's really thin," McGee said and Kate spared him a look before looking at Tony and seeing that McGee was entirely correct. Tony was way too thin. Even for Tony, he was way too thin. His stomach was hollow, sunken, as was his eyes. His skin was clinging to his bones. The elevator dinged and Ducky came trotting over to them.

"Move aside Caitlin," Ducky ordered and Kate moved out of the way. "Anthony? Anthony can you hear me dear boy?" Ducky asked. Tony's eyes blinked open. "When was the last time you ate?" Ducky asked, taking Tony's vitals. Tony mumbled something neither McGee or Kate could hear and Ducky tssk'ed for a while. "Anthony Anthony Anthony, come on, slowly, let's get you home," Ducky said and helped Tony sit up.

"I can work," Tony said.

"No, you can't," Ducky said sternly and Tony sighed as he let Ducky help him up. He almost passed out again and felt McGee taking his other arm, slinging it over his shoulders. They walked towards the elevator when Gibbs stepped out of it.

"What happened?" Gibbs asked.

"He's on sickleave as of now," Ducky simply said before they got into the elevator and the doors closed on Gibbs's surprised face.

"I can stand on my own!" Tony snapped.

"Yes, I believe you can, but I think I will be staying close just in case," Ducky said patiently as he let Tony stand on his own, as did McGee. McGee wisely kept his mouth shut. "Well, I cannot let you drive alone, and I am really elbow's deep in our dear departed mystery man, so I guess it will be Abigail who-"

"No," Tony said.

"No?" Ducky asked.

"She pinkie sweared Ducky. And she told him anyway," Tony explained.

"Ah, would you rather I got Timothy to go with you then?" Ducky asked.

"I'm going home. Alone," Tony said.

"Antho-"

"No Ducky, I'm going home alone to sleep, watch some movies, and relax. I don't need a babysitter!" Tony said angrily.

"All right. I will be by later this evening when work permits it," Ducky said.

"I can take care of myself!" Tony said angrily.

"Yes, I can quite see that," Ducky snapped. McGee still said nothing, pretending not to hear the conversation as the doors opened and he and Ducky walked after Tony outside. Ducky called for a cab and they waited together. As the cab arrived and Tony got into the backseat, Ducky held the door open. "I will see you later Anthony," Ducky said and closed the door after a glare from Tony. Both he and McGee remained standing to watch the cab disappear out the gate.

"He'll be okay, won't he Ducky?" McGee asked. Ducky blinked, looking at him with a reassuring smile. Then he turned and left. "He'll be okay, right? Ducky?" McGee asked as he hurried after Ducky back inside the building.

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AN: Hellooooo, here's the update. Review's are really really really really really really really really really awesome, just so you know :) I've been in meeting's all day, so that's why the update is so late, lol. Tomorrow, it will probably be late as well. Meetings. Again. Hey, I just remembered! I have CAKE! :D And Coca Cola. So what am I doing here then? *runs off*


	4. Chapter 4

Tony closed the door, still feeling dizzy as he dropped down onto the sofa and grabbed the remote control. He lay down and turned the TV on, flipping through the channels to see if anything interesting was happening. Nothing was. He sighed and turned onto his back, switching his TV off again. How had it all come to this? Why couldn't he just be like before? Just...deflect it. He had always taken pride in being able to deal with anything. But 'anything' came at a price. This was that price. The stress had taken it's toll on him, and he would just have to wait it out. To wait until his body decided that food was acceptable again. And the anger. Anger was just...a useless emotion really. It didn't do anyone any good. Anger was a useless waste of his time, but he couldn't stop himself.

"What HAVE you gotten yourself into this time dear boy?" he mimicked Ducky's accent. The man had acted more like his father than his father ever had. Ducky cared, Tony knew that, but he didn't want him to care. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. He wanted to be that invisible man again. The one he was back in Baltimore. No one noticed when he just disappeared from work. The Chief had grunted when he said he resigned. Tony doubted the man even knew who he was even though he had brought down several major drug dealer's and murderer's. Tony snorted. It hadn't been good, but it hadn't been bad either. But then he'd come to DC. He'd _settled. _He had come to trust Gibbs, Ducky, Abby. Even McGee and Kate were getting there. They had come too close. He had promised himself a long time ago that no one would be trusted ever again. He couldn't even trust _himself_ anymore. It was obvious that Gibbs didn't trust him. _I need alcohol, _Tony thought. Or maybe that wasn't a good idea. Not when Ducky would be coming over later. _After he leaves, _Tony promised himself. His phone rang eagerly. He looked at the caller ID. Abby.

"Nope," Tony said and pushed the silence button, placing the phone back on the table, watching the display light up every second, the vibration sending it dancing over the table. Then it ended and Tony sighed in relief. It rang again and Tony groaned. He klicked the little red button, ending Abby's call. It rang again and Tony cursed, the woman would not just give UP! He hit the cancel button again and again, ending each and every call from her, refusing to talk to her. The phone buzzed twice rapidly, indicating a message. He sighed, opening the SMS.

_"I'm sorry. Please forgive me? I'll bring chocolate?"_

Tony snorted. The last thing he wanted was something to eat, even if it WAS chocolate. He turned off the phone. He knew he was pushing her away, he might never even speak to her again, but he had to do it. _First DiNozzo rule, never trust anyone, _Tony thought to himself. He twisted onto his side and picked up the remote, turning the tv back on. He flipped to Cartoon Network, seeing that it was old re-run's of Bugs Bunny. He placed the remote on the table and watched Bug's once again outsmarting Elmer. Usually, he and Abby would discuss the law's of physic's concerning the show, but he wasn't in the mood to be in the same room as her. He was officially on sickleave now, and they would just have to deal with it, as he had to deal with it himself. He groaned loudly as his landline rang insistently.

_"This is Tony. Speak. BEEP."_

_"Tony, I know you hate me really really really really much right now, but I just want to know that you made it okay and isn't passed out somewhere in your apartement. Call me, okay? Uhm...bye..." _she hung up and Tony refused to call her even though his mind was telling him to. He tried concentrating on the cartoon's but it wasn't doing him any good. He was exhausted, and all he wanted to do was fall asleep. Maybe he could sleep this off. Maybe, if he slept a little, everything would just disappear and be okay when he woke up? He yawned, he was after all, very tired. He closed his eyes and was just about to fall asleep when his landline rang again and he groaned angrily.

"God damnit!" he cursed loudly.

_"This is Tony. Speak. BEEP."_

_"Okay, I'm officially worried, Tony! I'm coming over if you don't call me within the next five minutes! You there? Tony pick up so I know that you're not passed out, dead, eaten by a shark, worked over by a loan shark, killed by clown's, chastisised by dwarves, devoured by poodles, and so on. Come on Tony, I know you're there. Just...press a number if you're okay and don't want to talk to me, okay? I just wanna know that you're alive?" _

Tony struggled dizzily onto his feet and walked over to the phone, picking it up and pressing a number.

_"Okay...thank you. I'll...stop calling you now. I love you Tony. Don't forget that. I only slightly maybe broke my promise a little to help you. I tried stopping Gibbs from breaking into your computer and I've blocked all his access codes. He's hounding McGee for it now, calling everything Voodoo and raising hell. I think he really hates himself for what he did. Miss you. Bye." _she hung up and Tony placed the phone back in it's holder. He stumbled back to the sofa. He felt the old familiar sense of guilt snuggling deep into his chest. He swallowed around the lump in his throat. She had only meant to help...but then again, she had pinkie sweared. He pushed the guilt deeper down, repressing the urge to call her, pushing it into the deepest, furthest corner of his mind, locking the door, and throwing away the key. His body was aching now, and he felt the familiar sting of tears in his eyes. He blinked heavily just as the cartoon ended and another began.

"Don't trust anyone," he mumbled to himself and closed his eyes. He fully intended to sleep, but he quickly found he couldn't. He opened his eyes with a sigh. Thoughts were racing through his mind, thoughts he hadn't thought sinse he was in Baltimore. He was expendable. Like Vance had said, he could quickly be replaced. McGee was probably sitting behind Tony's desk right now, laughing all the way. Abby had tried to comfort him, probably by lying to him. Gibbs was just pissed that he didn't know the extent of things. He knew, though, and that was partly why he was spread all over his sofa, twisting and turning, trying to grasp a sleep that wouldn't come.

"Damnit DiNozzo," Tony sighed, "Get a grip!" he growled to himself and jumped when the phone rang again. "DAMNIT!" Tony cursed loudly. He walked over to the phone and picked up, not saying a word, blinking away the dancing black spots that had suddenly appeared.

_"DiNozzo?" _Gibbs's voice came through the phone. Tony sat down on the floor in order not to pass out. _"You okay? Do I need to come over?" _

"I'm okay Boss," Tony said, surprising himself when warmth flooded his body at Gibbs's gentle tone. The man had betrayed his trust, yelled at him, slapped him in the back of his head more times that he could count, and obviously didn't trust him, but he still wanted Gibbs's praise. _Pathetic. _

_"Tony...can I come over?" _Gibbs's question caught him completely off guard. Usually, Gibbs would've just come over and let himself in, sitting in the livingroom until Tony would be so pissed that they fought hand to hand for a while before Gibbs let him just take his anger out on him. The mere fact that Gibbs was _asking _this time, meant more to Tony than he thought it would.

"I don't think that's a good Idea Boss," Tony sighed. _Say yes! _his mind screamed at him.

_"I can cook?" _Gibbs asked. Cook? Gibbs NEVER cooked for his team.

"Boss, I-"

_"Tony, I'm BEGGING you, just let me come over there and take care of you for a while. We'll just eat something or watch a movie. Whatever you want to do. Please," _Gibbs said. Tony sat, gaping. Had Gibbs just said _please_?

"I...need to think about it. Bye Gibbs," Tony said and hung up. He swallowed, fully expecting Gibbs to call back and chew him out for hanging up on him. When that didn't happen, he felt strangely disappointed. Gibbs had been nice to him, and Tony didn't know if he should feel happy that Gibbs cared or fear for loosing his job. He chewed on his bottom lip for a while before crawling back onto the sofa. Gibbs just wanted to be nice to him, but he couldn't stand the thought of being near the man that caused him so much pain. _You love him, _his mind said and Tony ignored it. _Go on, invite him over. Tell him. You know you wanna. _His mind repeated it over and over. "Oh shut UP!" Tony growled at his thoughts when he heard the door open and a confused Ducky stood in the doorway.

"Arguing with yourself Anthony?" Ducky asked. Tony sat up quickly, nearly falling back down, waiting for the dizzy spell to pass. "I see you still haven't eaten anything?" Ducky scolded him gently. He closed the door, removed his coat, hat, and shoes, before coming over to sit on the sofa. "Something on your mind?" Ducky asked.

"Gibbs said please," Tony said. Ducky said nothing. "He begged me to be allowed to come over. What's going on here Ducky? I really want him to come over but at the same time I get physically ill just from the thought!" Tony sighed.

"Well, dear boy, there's no wonder you're conflicted," Ducky said, "He does treat you like , crap, as one would say about his behaviour towards you, but you do admire him, a-"

"I love him," Tony blurted out. Ducky said nothing. "Aren't you going to say anything?" Tony prompted after an akward silence following his statement.

"It's not really a surprise Anthony," Ducky said and Tony looked at him. "You're staying even though you're practicly the best Agent NCIS has. You could have had your own team long ago," Ducky said. "But you stayed."

"I stayed," Tony sighed. "I stayed even though I knew it would tear me apart. I stayed because of him. I stayed because he...needed me. He doesn't, anymore. He doesn't even trust me," Tony sighed, eyes darknening.

"Oh but he does, dear boy," Ducky smiled as he pulled out his stetoschope, "Shirt up," Ducky said and Tony hoisted his shirt up.

"How can you say he trust me when he went through my computer?" Tony asked. Ducky looked at him.

"No talking, deep breath," Ducky said and listened for a while. He removed the stetoschope from his ears and Tony pulled his shirt down again. "He went through your computer out of concern, not because he doesn't trust you. He cares a great deal about you Anthony," Ducky smiled and patted Tony's thigh. "I think you should call him," Ducky said with a small smile.

"I dunno Ducky...what if he just comes to chew me out?" Tony asked. Ducky stood up.

"Well, ultimately it's you choice Anthony, I just think you'd be surprised to learn about this side of Jethro. He's been hell at work today ever sinse you went home," Ducky winked at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tony asked.

"Just wait until Caitlin calls you. And Timothy. They'll be begging for you to come back to work soon," Ducky chuckled and opened the door. "I'll lock up after myself. I will see you tomorrow Anthony," Ducky smiled and closed the door, locking it. Tony looked at the phone, debating his options. He walked over to the phone and picked it up, dialling the familiar number. He picked up during the first half of the first ring, almost as he'd been waiting for the call.

_"Tony?" _Gibbs asked. He sounded worried.

"Yeah...about the cooking and the movie thing...you can come over," Tony said.

_"I'll see you when I've gone shopping," _Gibbs said.

"Uhm...sure, could you lock yourself in though? Don't wanna move around too much," Tony said and yawned.

_"Sure. Bye Tony," _Gibbs said and hung up. Tony frowned at his phone. Gibbs said _bye_ now? Never mind the please earlier, Gibbs was concerned. It felt good. It felt good that he finally gave a shit about him and Tony stumbled back to the sofa, a small smile playing at his lips as butterflies spread their wings in his stomach.

Gibbs was coming.

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AN: Oh my GOD you guys! I've been nominated for a NCIS Fanfiction Award! :D _Tony's computer_ has been nominated people! That's so awesome! Thank you :D I'm totally grinning like a maniac right now, lol :D AWESOMENESS! THANK YOU! :D


	5. Chapter 5

Tony jumped when the door opened, he didn't even know he had fallen asleep and he raised his head, blinking sleep out of his eyes, when he saw Gibbs standing in the doorway.

"Can I come in?" Gibbs asked. His eyes held concern. Tony nodded as Gibbs came in and closed the door behind him, juggling two grocery bags in his arms. "I'll just go prepare everything, I'm making you a home made pizza. Gibbs family recipé," Gibbs said and disappeared into the kichten. Tony tried watching the cartoon's still playing on the TV while at the same time listening to the sounds of Gibbs trying to find stuff in his kitchen. It would've been a sight watching Gibbs make food, but Tony was too tired to even sit up in the sofa. After a while of dozing, Gibbs came into the livingroom. Tony raised his knees, making space for Gibbs to sit down. "How're you doing?" Gibbs's eyes were focused solely on him, and it felt strangely good, making the butterflies flap their wings even faster, and his heart speed up.

"Peachy," Tony said, not letting his guard down. Gibbs huffed, but didn't say anything. They both watched the cartoon's for a while.

"A coyote can't survive falling off a cliff and have a big boulder bounce up and down on him!" Gibbs said suddenly. Tony snickered at that. "Tony...what can I do?" Gibbs asked. Tony looked into his eyes. _You could kiss me. Stay with me. Never let go of me. _Tony pushed the thoughts away and looked back at the television. "I want to help in any way I can," Gibbs said.

"You can't help me with this, I just need to clear my head and get my body back in line, and I'll be back on duty," Tony said.

"So you're not switching to FBI?" Gibbs asked. So this was all it was about? He knew letting Gibbs come over had been a mistake.

"If that's what you came here for, the door's over there," Tony said, pointing to the door. Gibbs sighed.

"That's not what I came here for," Gibbs admitted. "I'm concerned," Gibbs said.

"Why?" Tony asked, looking into Gibbs's blue eyes. "Why are you concerned? Why do you care? You NEVER care!" Tony accused him. Gibbs's eyebrows raised in confusion.

"I care!" Gibbs defended himself.

"Yeah? You care all right, just not about me. I take all the shit, I take one for the team on hourly basis Gibbs. I'd do ANYTHING to keep you happy and all you give me is shit," Tony said, his heart thundering in his chest. They had never simply talked like this, without yelling or coming to blows. Gibbs's eyes filled with emotion, it was a shock to Tony who had only ever seen anger or determination in them and sometimes humor. Gibbs looked at his hands.

"I know. And I'm sorry, Tony," Gibbs said. Tony gaped. Please, bye _and _sorry? All in the space of one day? "I know you've taken all the shit I've thrown at you. I had no right taking my anger out on you, and it's been worse ever sinse..." Gibbs stopped.

"Ever sinse what?" Tony asked.

"I found your letter," Gibbs stated and Tony dropped the remote control, freezing. The world stopped. He had written the letter but had decided to burn it. He had come home and panicked when searching for it, finding that he had lost it.

"You...read it?" Tony asked. Gibbs confirmed it with a nod. "I...uh," Tony blushed furiously.

"It can't happen Tony. I'm your Boss. You're my Senior Field Agent," Gibbs swallowed and looked away while Tony's heart broke into a million pieces and the butterflies in his stomach turned to angry gremlins. "I...it SHOULDN'T happen anyway..." Gibbs sighed, then he looked at Tony. "But I can't stop myself from feeling the way I feel towards you anymore than you can just jump back on your feet and go back to work," Gibbs finished. Tony stared at him.

"What...what're you saying, Gibbs?" Tony asked, sitting up.

"I'm saying...I guess I'm saying I want this too. This. Us," Gibbs motioned between them. "Damnit Tony, what I'm trying to say is...I love you, okay? I've been in love with you sinse fucking Baltimore, and I couldn't stop even if I wanted to!" Gibbs said, flushing red.

"You...you want a relationship...with...me," Tony said slowly, searching Gibbs's face for answers.

"That's what I said, didn't I?" Gibbs said angrily. Tony smiled.

"You love me?" Tony asked. Gibbs nodded. "Just like...like I said in the letter?" Tony asked. Gibbs nodded again, his face reddening. "Kiss me," Tony said quietly. Gibbs looked at him. "Kiss me damnit!" Tony growled and Gibbs closed the distance between them, the kiss stealing his breath as Gibbs's warm lips connected with his. He had dreamed about this for so long, for so damn long, and now it was finally happening! Gibbs was practicly laying on top of him and Tony could feel Gibbs trying to deepen the kiss as he chuckled into Gibbs's mouth. Gibbs pulled back slightly, one eyebrow raised.

"Something funny Tony?" Gibbs asked, a hint of humorous interest in his voice.

"Never in a million years would I have thought you and I were going to be making out on my sofa like a couple of teenagers," Tony laughed. Gibbs chuckled.

"You prefer to take it to the bedroom?" Gibbs asked, waggling his eyebrows.

"Why Jethro, are you propositioning me?" Tony asked with mock surprise.

"Indeed my lady," Gibbs smirked.

"Are you calling me a girl? Serious mood killer there Gibbs," Tony said, still smiling. His eyes were sparkling with renewed life, and Gibbs chuckled, ducking his head. "Can we just...watch a movie?" Tony asked.

"Sure," Gibbs smiled as he sat back up. "Hey, I'll just go finish the pizza, you pick out a movie and I'll put the pizza in the oven," Gibbs said. Tony nodded eagerly as Gibbs pushed up from the sofa and disappeared into the kitchen. Just then, Tony realized something. The pain, the anguish, the fear, was gone. He felt warm. He felt...hungry. He sat up and looked towards the kitchen. He knew he had a long way to go, to be able to go back to work again, but now, he had help. Then, he realized something else that had been absent for so long that he never thought he would live to see the day he felt it again.

He felt loved.

END.

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AN: Yes, there will be a follow up piece on this or some oneshots, I promise you that. First one is already written, second may take a while longer. If you're wondering about something, you can ask, but I can't promise answers :D I'm so SO happy about the nomination! :D *dances*


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